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“A goal without a plan is just a wish.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Several years ago B.C. (before children), my husband and I were very active adults. We would jog together, he was part of an adult soccer league, I enjoyed fitness classes, etc. Then we had the crazy idea that we would join a triathlon team. By the way, training for a triathlon is no small commitment.
Like any goal, we started with the end in mind. We were not crazy enough to sign up for a full “Ironman” our first time, which is a 3.8 kilometer (2.4 mile) swim, 180.2 km (112 mi) bike ride, and 42.2 km (26.2 mi) marathon run. No, no, no, we started with a baby triathlon, also known as a “Sprint.”
I had never done anything like this before. I am the kind of person who says, “That looks fun. I can do that,” without thinking it all the way through. I am more of a jump first and plan on the way down kind of woman. It certainly makes life interesting, but that is NOT the best way to achieve a goal. I didn’t even own a road bike yet!
First, we needed to have the end goal in mind. A Sprint triathlon is a 750 meter (0.465 mile) swim, 20 kilometer (12.5 mi) bike ride, and 5 km (3.1 mi) run. Mind you, I hate running! But my overzealous hunky husband was doing it, and I can’t let him have all the “fun.”
Next, we signed up for a race to make the goal a real commitment and much harder to back out from. The date was set for the LA Tri Series event at the beautiful Bonelli Park in San Dimas, California. We had two months to train.
This seemed like an intimidating and monumental task. I felt ridiculous. Who am I to compete in a triathlon! I hate running!
Instead of allowing my fear to get the best of me, I focused on the next right move… “Hey Google! How do you train for a triathlon?” Well, whaddayaknow, there are a ton of resources and workout guides for people who have exactly 8 weeks to train for a Sprint. Done. Print. Follow training schedule.
Now for the hard part. Following through with my plan. This is the part that trips most people up. We start off with good intentions. We’re excited and motivated. Then, the 5am alarm goes off the next morning, and suddenly we don’t “feel like it.” Yup, I know this pattern all too well.
As a full-time working mom (FTWM for short), it can be easy to allow kids and our day job to be the reason we don’t have personal goals anymore. But I think this is an excuse. Before kids and before our careers, we had crazy dreams! Dig deep. What lights you up? What are you wishing you could do if you had more time? Do you want to run a marathon? Write a book? Start an Etsy shop? Write music? What is it?
Below are some hacks I have used in my life to make sure I hit the target, even when there are a million excuses to quit.
SIDE NOTE: Oh, and by the way, we did end up doing the Sprint triathlon. I got first place in my age group (25-29) and my husband got second place in his age group (30-34). That was 10 years ago!
Let’s pretend you are training for your BIG GOAL, kind of like you are training for a triathlon.
Weeks 1-3: BUILD CONSISTENCY
Week 1: THINK BIG
Use the first week to do some soul searching. Decide what your big goal is going to be. My guess is you have something in mind, or you would not be reading this post. If you’re like me, you might be multi-passionate. But you can’t write a book, learn how to play guitar and learn a new language all at once! Especially as a FTWM. Lady, you need to choose ONE THING!
Read The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results by Gary Keller!
Can’t decide? Do a “Brain Dump” and ask yourself some questions. Write it down!
- Will I be disappointed in myself in 10 years if I don’t try _____________ (goal)?
- What would my ideal self tell me to do?
- What is the worst thing that can happen if I go for _____________ (goal)? What am I risking? (usually not much or nothing at all)
- How long have I wanted to try or do ______________ (goal)? If you have been thinking about this goal for a long time, but have never done anything about it, then you are just torturing yourself. You need to make a decision. If it is not a “hell yes,” then it is a “no.” It is okay to decide not to want to do something anymore.
- Why is this goal important to me? Ask yourself this questions 6-7 times to peel back the layers until you get to your true WHY. Knowing your WHY will keep you working on your goal on the days you are tired or just don’t feel like it.
Week 2: MAKE A PLAN
In order to achieve your goal, you need a plan. Not just any plan though. A plan that will make your goal achievable as a FTWM. This will include lots of patience my friend. It will be so easy to push your dream to the side because of work and family commitments. You are worth it too!
What is your overarching goal? Write a book? Get out of debt? Create an online business? Run a marathon? Write it down!
Since you are a high achieving working mom, you probably know that nothing is going to happen unless you have a plan and a way to measure your success. This is why I use the SMART goal strategy, originally developed by business consultant, George T. Duran. It goes something like this:
S.M.A.R.T. goal method
S – Specific
M – Measurable
A – Achievable.
R – Relevant
T – Timely
S: Write a children’s book for Early Readers (ages 5-7) in 8 weeks.
(Make sure you add a time frame. Be as specific as possible.)
M: Write a maximum of 5,000 words.
(What is the minimum baseline? A typical word count for an Early Reader book is 3,000-5,000 words)
A: Write 300 words per day.
(Your need to have an achievable daily goal or you will run out of steam quickly as a FTWM. This means you need to set aside early morning or evening time.)
R: Writing 300 words per day is your minimum baseline and is essential for this goal. Ask yourself, Is what I am currently doing going to get me closer to my goal?
T: An 8 week timeline is totally doable to write an Early Reader book. Make sure you have a definite timeline, with a due date in your calendar.
Bad example of a goal: Get out of debt this year.
Good example: Pay off $10,000 from my Visa credit card by June 1st (8 months).
Week 3: Build Consistency with Daily Habits
As a FTWM you have no time to waste. If you want this goal to work, then you need to set aside each day to plan and execute on your goals. That means building habits for success and following through.
Take action each day! I don’t care if you only carve out 20 minutes per day to work on your goal, but you need to set appointments with yourself. It is too easy to let your kid’s soccer practice or family Zoom call be the reason you didn’t find time. Make a decision and stick to it. Put yourself on the calendar!
This might mean getting up a half hour earlier each morning. I write up to 500 words per day for my blog. I know that if I don’t get up before my kids, there will be non-stop interruptions. Choose your time each day and protect that time like your life depends on it.
For more on this topic, see my post “Making Time for Your Passions as a FTWM.”
Weeks 4-5: INCREASE ENDURANCE
Now you have a goal, with measurable daily output, and even a morning routine. Congratulations! You’re feeling good about yourself and then, all of a sudden, a little voice inside starts saying, What are you doing? You’re wasting your time? You’ll never accomplish this goal. You might have skipped one day, then another day, or slept in when you promised yourself to work on your goal.
How do you keep up the endurance?
Here are a few things that I do to stay motivated:
- Write my goal down each day in my 5 minute journal
- Have an accountability partner. Add a day in your calendar every other week to update a trusted friend or family member who is supportive, on what you have accomplished in the last two weeks. You have a 90% greater chance of accomplishing your goal with an “accountability appointment.”
- Use the Loss Aversion technique. This really works for some people! The basic principle is instead of rewarding yourself, use our natural fear of losing something as motivation. Basically, bet yourself that if you don’t stick to a certain goal each day, then you will lose something. Everyone is different. For me, if I don’t write my 500 words per day, then I am not allowed to go for a walk and listen to my current audiobook. There are some apps that you can bet money on a weight loss goal, like DietBet. I have never tried it myself, but I hear it works for some people.
Overall, you just have to try different things for motivation to see what works for you. Don’t give up!
Weeks 6-7: IMPROVE RACE (GOAL) FITNESS
Okay, so you are measuring your daily and weekly goals. You have moved past the distractions and motivational pitfalls that we all go through, now it’s time to improve your goal fitness by evaluating your progress so far.
Use the 3 R’s technique to improve your chances of accomplishing your goal.
- REFLECT – Check in with yourself. Have you been keeping up with your daily measurable outcomes (actions)? If not, ask yourself why, but not in a self-mutilating way. Ask from a place of love. You are in this for the long haul, so it does not make sense to beat yourself up over it.
- REVISE – If you are meeting your daily/weekly goals, then congratulations! If not, revise your plan. For example, if you find yourself not able to write 500 words per day, then cut it down to 300. The point is make it work in the pockets of your time and keep going!
- REWARD – Don’t forget to reward yourself for a job well done. What you are doing is not easy. You are a FTWM with many other commitments. This is something you are doing just for you. Take yourself out for a frappuccino or buy a new dress. You’ve earned it lady!
Week 8: RACE TO THE FINISH LINE WEEK
It’s your final week. It’s crunch time. This is not a time to beat yourself up. Give yourself a final deadline like, “By 9 o’clock on Sunday night I will have sold my last 2 paintings on Etsy.” That means you have some very specific things you need to do to make sure that happens. You might have to say no to a Mommy’s night out with your friends or you might have to ask a friend to watch your kids for a couple of hours. Whatever it takes, you need to figure out what it will take for you to race across that finish line!
RACE (GOAL) DAY!
You did it! I’m so proud of you. You are a FTWM rock star! No matter what, even if you fell short of your final goal, you will still be way ahead of where you thought you would be weeks ago. The next step is to set another SMART goal to get you to the next guidepost towards your big goal or set an entirely new goal. You have proved to yourself that you can do hard things. Set your intentions and do it again!
FINAL THOUGHTS
We all have obstacles that can distract us from our goals. I have four beautiful obstacles: My husband, daughter and son. They also have their own dreams and goals. We all have to find time for each other, while also giving each other space to achieve our dreams. Here are some things to consider that will make your life easier and reduce the distractions:
- Meal prep – Make a list of your favorite meals, then create a grocery list you save on your phone. Rotate the meals each week, which takes the guesswork out and saves you time and money in the long run.
- Take back your time – Prioritize your time by A, B, and C tasks. A = highest priority because it gets you closer to your ultimate goal (not the most urgent or pressing item). B tasks = urgent or important, like paying a bill on time or doctor’s appt, but don’t move the needle towards your ultimate goal. C tasks = things you would like to do if there is still time.
- “Done is better than perfect.” This is one of my favorite mottos that I heard from Marie Forleo. I am a type A, perfectionist. Which is also why I am a classic procrastinator. Not because I am lazy, but because I want everything to be perfect. This is a challenge sometimes because I have a tendency to be afraid of starting a project for fear that it won’t be “good enough.” But here’s the secret. Everybody feels the same way inside! Get used to doing B- work and just finish. It is never going to be perfect.
- Productivity hacks for FTWMs – Read “10 Best Productivity Tips for FTWMs”
